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The program for the John F. Kennedy Center in Washington highlights a lighthearted dual-language performance and an improvised Shakespeare troupe. Notably absent from the public events is Friday's FIFA World Cup draw, likely because it is a strictly invitation-only gathering. Officials appear determined to prevent any unwanted guests from darkening the doorstep at what threatens to be an drawn-out, self-aggrandizing procession where highly compensated celebrities will undoubtedly repeat the tired cliche that "football brings together the world."

A Star-Studded Hosting Team

This glitzy event is due to be hosted by television personality Heidi Klum and small-statured US standup comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the celebrity roster will be gridiron legend Eli Manning on red-carpet duty and actor Danny Ramirez as a roving correspondent. Together, they will preside over a production that will certainly have English football fans nostalgic for missing the simpler, unpretentious days of Graham Taylor, FA officials, the FA tombola and a trusty velvet bag of simple, lottery balls.

Scheduled to last nearly three torturous hours, the event will include a lengthy playlist of speechifying, saccharine video montages, approved gags, famous faces, musical turns from artists with perhaps no embarrassment or enormous tax bills, and then... at last, the real World Cup draw.

Sporting Legends on Draw Detail

Included in those helping to conducting the draw? NBA legend Shaquille O'Neal, hockey icon Wayne Gretzky, football star Tom Brady and baseball star Aaron Judge, all selecting numbered spheres under the watchful eye of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Considering the vast, untapped reservoir of charisma possessed by these ageing sporting legends, barring an uniformed security team storming the ceremony, it's difficult to imagine what could possibly go wrong.

Actually, not much, if the tone-deaf justification of FIFA's widely reported World Cup exorbitant ticket pricing offered by an obsequious English yes-man is any sort of gauge. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more accessible for average fans, the reply was vague. "I think we have to be aware of that and I think FIFA are certainly an organization that are aware of that," was the comment. "But listen, I think we can look at every sector, every sector, we could have that conversation about things," he added. The implication appeared that high prices are justified when compared with other high-end goods.

The Football Business

With 42 countries already secured a place for next summer's tournament and another six due to join, there will be a real air of giddiness once the preliminaries conclude and the main draw gets under way. While fans worldwide wait with great anticipation to see which three nations their own country will play in the group stages, the suspense pales in comparison to that which precedes the announcement of the recipient of FIFA's inaugural peace prize for "people who help unite people in peace through unwavering dedication and special actions." Considering the draw is in Washington and the World Cup is primarily in the US, speculation about the recipient are widespread, though the clues are there.

"There's no concern at the moment. I was in contact with the chairman today. My relationship with him is rock solid really. I have a real open, honest and realistic relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever" – comments from a coach with a team on a five-match winless run, offering a textbook remark likely to be revisited if/when a dismissal occur in the future.

Readers' Letters

• "Regarding the discussion of a possible club named Kevin... there is an exciting Brazilian winger named Kevin at a Premier League club who cost more than £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to purchase a Highland League club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to football games in the 80s/90s, when the answer was 'Keith', the reply was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "My reading ceased after nine words. 'Comprised of'! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as redundant as an extra official."
• "There is apprehension ahead of FIFA's Global Tombola: just what memorable tune will a famous group come up with if a political figure remains on the stage, requiring an additional song?"